The War of Northern Aggression, Part 5: In Which Gen.'s John McClane and Robert E. Lee Have a Chat

After an 11-month hiatus in my educational series about the War Between the States through song, I have returned with yet another installment of ole-timey goodness. Beats book larnin', right?

Get your muskets cleaned and check yo hardtack for maggots, we got some fightin' to do!

Ready? Good. Let's do this.

(Note: the following may contain a few anachronisms.)



Hey Bobby Lee, I got somethin' for you.


I would hope that it is your declaration of surrender, good sir. How quaint of you to deliver it personally and not send a messenger!


No motherf***er! It's a goddamn Emancipation Proclamation. All your slaves are free now. They're on our side. You might as well give up now, graybeard, you're f***ed.


[scribbles something on piece of parchment]


You got something to say?


[holding up the note] Ah yes, I have just received this "Emancipation Unproclamation," the contents of which may interest you.


But YOU wrote that. Just now. I saw you, dumba**.


I'm afraid that you must be mistaken sir, it was delivered on horseback a moment ago.


I was right here the whole time, a**hole. I saw you with the pen and paper. You're not fooling anyone, you old piece of s***!


Well, perhaps you would like to read it.


[snatches paper out of Lee's hand, begins to read]

***The White House, Feb. 1, 1863

My dearest Confederate Army and Gov't,
r badd, all ur slavez r belong 2u. wuz kiddn b4

With the kindest of regards,
Abraham Lincoln

P.S. McClane, guess where your mother was last night.***


It seems that we're at a bit of an impasse, General McClane...


That does it. Yippee-ki-yay motherf***er! [coldcocks Lee, grabs rapier that's resting against the side of the tent and runs Lee through. McClane then pulls a loaded machine gun out of a chest and proceeds to mow down the entire Army of Northern Virginia.]

To be continued...

Hot Water Music - The End of the Line (From The New What Next)
Neutral Milk Hotel - Marching Theme (From On Avery Island)
The National - Start a War (From Boxer)

Buy 'em up:
Epitaph
Merge
Beggar's Banquet

The War of Northern Aggression, Part 4

For want of any better concepts at this time, I am posting yet another installment...

Dolorean - Violence in the Snowy Fields (From Violence in the Snowy Fields)
Blood shows up pretty well on snow.

The Fainting Fansies - Volunteer Army (From The Red Shed)
At the start of the war, the Northern Army was comprised largely of volunteers--by the middle of the war the North was increasingly reliant on conscription.

The Go! Team - We Just Won't Be Defeated (From Thunder, Lightning, Strike)
The Go! Team--kindred spirits with Panic! At the Disco, if only because of their love of the exclamation point mid-name. I guess this could be the North's fight song?

Willy Mason - Fear No Pain (From Where the Humans Eat)
Religious conviction helped men on both sides go into battle with less apprehension of death, and this song kind of sums that up.

The Avett Brothers - Die Die Die
The title says it all, I think. Plus, the Avett Brothers are from North Carolina.

Ted Leo and the Pharmacists - Army Bound (Demo)
I like this version better than the one that appeared on Living With the Living, but that might just be me. Either way, it's good.

Buy 'em up:
Yep Roc
The Fainting Fansies Myspace
Columbia
Virgin
Ramseur Records
Touch and Go

The War of Northern Aggression, Part 3

My classes on the South and on the Civil War may be over, but the inventory of songs that I have amassed which are vaguely related to them is not. So, I have returned with yet another installment of the epic series on the Civil War, where I make far-fetched connections between songs and the great conflict which pitted brother against brother.

I decided that considering the month in which we presently find ourselves, today was as good as any for a Decemberists double-shot.

The Decemberists - The Soldiering Life (From Her Majesty)

Being a soldier in the Civil War was not exactly a fun time. Rations were often meager, disease ran rampant, and if you were seriously injured, there was no anesthesia for when they lopped off your limbs. However, the spirit of camaraderie exhibited in this song often rang true.

And you
My brother in arms
I'd rather I'd lose my legs
Than let you come to harm

Personally, if I were a soldier in the Civil War I'd much prefer to keep my legs, but I'm a selfish bastard so take that with a grain of salt. Or a bite of saltpork.

The Decemberists - 16 Military Wives (From Picaresque)

I already went on a rant about military wives in my last post in this series, so I suppose I stole this post's thunder in that regard. It doesn't matter though, because this is an excellent song. Plus, Colin Meloy's math skills never cease to amaze.

Buy 'em up:
Kill Rock Stars

The War of Northern Aggression, Part 2

The pangs of guilt I feel for having not updated my blog have led me away from my studies (which ironically enough at the moment consists of reading a book called The Confederate War) to bring you, loyal reader, a second installment of the ongoing series of songs with a fratricidal flourish...so with no further gilding the lily and absolutely no adieu whatsoever I give you some additional selections.

The Band - The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down (From The Band)

There is no stretch to be made while explaining this song's relevance to the topic put forth--it's just a straight-up tale of the Civil War from a Confederate perspective.

Josh Ritter - Girl in the War (From The Animal Years)

It is worth noting that women disguised as men saw combat for both the Union and Confederacy during the war. Women's contributions on the home front also should not be overlooked. Even if they were simply whining in letters to their husbands, whilst their husbands were dodging bullets and living on hardtack and saltpork, they served to persuade their men to reenlist so as not to have to deal with their incessant jabbering on about nothing. How's that for an impact?

Buy 'em up:
Capitol
V2

The War of Northern Aggression, Part 1

This semester (being an American History major) I'm taking a class on the Civil War, referred to by many of our Southern brethren as "The War of Northern Aggression." My roommate has repeatedly asked that I one day in class refer to the war in said Southern manner, as of yet I have failed to follow through on this request, tempting as it may be.

So on a somewhat related note, last week I woke up in the middle of the night with an idea to compile all the songs I have that can be connected to The War of Northern Aggression and compile them into a playlist. More recently, I thought "why not post some selections from this amalgam of songs on my blog and thus flirt with making this something like a proper mp3 blog?"

Since I went down to New York last weekend to see The Mountain Goats play (which, by the way, was friggin sweet), I thought it would be fitting to start with some relevant selections from John Darnielle's vast catalogue. Doubtless there will be further installments in this series of songs. Hope you enjoy this fusion of awesome tunes and American History.

The Mountain Goats - Jeff Davis County Blues (From All Hail West Texas)

Jefferson Davis was, of course, the President of The Confederate States of America. Apparently, they also named a county in Texas after him.

The Mountain Goats - Going to Georgia (From Zopilote Machine)

Who could forget Union general William Tecumseh Sherman's (who by the way, was one mean, angry, ragged dude) March Through Georgia in 1864, burning Atlanta, not to mention laying waste to whatever is 40 miles from Atlanta.

Buy 'em up:
Emperor Jones
3 Beads of Sweat

Hunter Thompson and '72 versus '08

I returned from my trip to Canada a few days ago. While I was up there, I had a chance to read Hunter Thompson's Fear and Loathing: On the Campaign Trail '72. Most people associate Thompson with his magnum opus Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, and not so surprisingly his epic drug habits.

On the Campaign Trail is not simply a quasi-factual run down of drug-crazed exploits (although that is certainly an entertaining element of the book). In fact, the book provides some very insightful political analysis, made all the more impressive by the fact that Thompson had not covered politics at length prior to the '72 presidential campaign.

One thing that I found interesting about the book was the parallels that can be drawn between the '72 campaign and this year's contest. George McGovern is Barack Obama: the anti-war Democrat from the far left of the party who begins the primary season as an underdog but who is vaulted to forefront by an impressive grassroots movement, and ultimately secures the nomination. Richard Nixon is John McCain: the Republican who stubbornly does not see the quick withdrawal of U.S. troops from a failed and wasteful conflict (Vietnam is Iraq) as a priority. The two contests are not completely identical--Nixon was an incumbent, and a bit more conservative than McCain--but the parallels between the campaigns are important to note.

Democrats should hope that this year's election is not a carbon copy of 1972, because McGovern was beaten by Nixon, and beaten badly. He ran into trouble by alienating many of his original supporters in the mad dash to the middle, backsliding on previous statements while pandering to conservative Democrats and Republicans, and making a disastrous choice of running mate (who turned out to have some severe mental illnesses). Obama should be very careful, then, in his own move to the center as he attempts to gain the support of independents and Republicans. Friends of mine have already expressed displeasure with his recent pledged support of faith-based organizations. I would argue that government investment in preexisting organizations, be they faith-based or not, will help fight poverty (thank you John Edwards) more effectively and cheaply than creating all-new, separate institutions. This of course then unravels into a whole separation of church and state question, which I'm not going to go into detail about here.

If poverty in this country can be fought more effectively through government support of faith-based organizations, then shouldn't we focus on the ends and not get caught up on the means?